


Swallow Down Your Trepidation

by RussetDown



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Blow Jobs, Come Swallowing, Discussion of Boundaries, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Sexual Assault, Pets are inconvenient, Porn IS the plot, Second Firsts, metaphorically speaking, sexual healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:46:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28944636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussetDown/pseuds/RussetDown
Summary: Sometimes the only way to erase a bad memory is to create a good one. Zedaph is interested in doing just that, if Impulse is okay with it.
Relationships: ImpulseSV/Zedaph
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	Swallow Down Your Trepidation

**Author's Note:**

> Necessary context: This takes place in an AU where Impulse and Zedaph both have… _Bad_ memories and experiences surrounding blowjobs. Impulse has a very bad experience with receiving oral, and Zed had trauma related to giving it. I will tell the story of how they got to this point eventually, but for now enjoy the porn! This fic is very soft, and other than discussing boundaries no detail is given as to what happened.

“I’d like to try it again, I think.” 

Zed’s statement settled into the comfortable silence, and Impulse shifted his weight to better cradle the head resting in his lap. Zed readjusted in turn, making himself comfortable and pulling Impulse’s hand until it rested in the younger man’s soft curls.

“Try what again?” Impulse replied.

“Well, I’ve been talking with Tessa, you know that, and last session she said that sometimes we need positive experiences to prove that the bad ones aren’t as.. Constant? As we think they are?”

“Universal?” 

“Yes, that! And I was thinking about us and where we are and we won’t if you don’t want to, but I’d like to try again. Try the thing again that is. The big thing. Your big thing? I’m sorry, this is all wrong. I. Well. I would like to try and get some positive memories to show me the negative ones aren’t so big, and I want to do that by having you in my mouth.”

The hand in Zed’s hair froze, and then gently, carefully pulled away. 

“You want to try.. _that_ , with me?”

"If by ‘that’ you mean a blowjob, then yes. I'd like to do it right. If you don't want to do it I understand, completely, this isn't just a bad memory for me and I respect your right to say no and- Yeah. If you want to, though, I'd like to try."

Impulse's expression was unreadable, but unreadable was better than panicked so Zed considered it a win. The silence wasn't so comfortable now, but it was necessary. Impulse deserved time to think about this, Zed had a full two week head start. 

"I think we can do that... maybe."

"Maybe?" 

"If we can talk about it first, yeah."

"Oh! Oh yes of course we will! Should we-" Zed trailed off, unsure of how to continue his thought. Impulse seemed to understand.

“Are we good to talk about this now? You good?”

Zed glanced up at his love. Warm eyes and chapped, surprisingly full lips defined Impulse's face. His expression had shifted into one that held only attentive care, his own anxiety set aside for the moment in order to be present with Zed. What a man. Something wasn't quite right, however, and it took a moment to register what was missing

“Could you put your hand back where it was? I know why you took it back, but I liked it there.” 

Hesitant fingers gently settled on Zed’s scalp, barely brushing the sensitive roots. It really was a grounding touch, and Zed pushed his head back into it in a way that he hoped conveyed that. The hand relaxed, and Impulse resumed gently stroking. Much better.

"Yeah, that's good. You want to start?" Zed asked, letting his shoulder sink into the couch until he was more firmly nestled against the taller man.

"You first?"

"Well, a lot of mine are pretty obvious, I think. Let’s see... No degrading language, no demanding things, be gentle, standard stuff." Impulse hummed in response, they both knew that he had no desire to degrade Zed in any way. "Otherwise.. Don't push my head? Or actually, just don’t touch it at all while we um, yeah that might be best, really. Oh! And no nicknames, please. Just let me take the lead, and take care of you. If- that sounds good to you, that is."

Impulse's next words held the halting sincerity of a man who was thinking them through carefully. "I think those are all... really important, and they deserve to be said."

It was Zed's turn to hum gently in response. “What do I need to do- not do?- for this to be good for you? This isn’t just about me after all, you know that.” He waited, letting Impulse think over his boundaries for a moment. The other man felt most comfortable when he was given a moment to process what he was going to say, and Zed tried to give him that space whenever he could. The silence was cut by the gentle manufactured crackle of the electric fireplace, and he was content right where he was. It was a hard conversation, Zed was prepared to give Impulse all the time in the world.

A more deliberate inhale brought Zed back to attention.

"Mine are less definite than yours. They're a bit much, if you need me to stop talking I- Nope, nope. okay." Impulse recentred himself. "No pleading? Talking is good, but don't beg me to do things. I'd prefer not to have any control at all, actually. Gagging is a no, and tears obviously, so deepthroating probably isn't the best idea. Otherwise - just tell me what you are going to do, and maybe ask me if it is okay if it comes close to, well, all of the above." 

Zed took a moment to consider Impulse's words. "What should I do if I start to feel tears?"

"Pull off and tell me you're okay, please? It's not about the crying itself, I just want to make sure we aren't being pulled back into somewhere _bad_."

Zed nodded, his hair tugging against Impulse's fingers with the motion. "Okay, I can do that. Is there anything else that comes to mind for you?"

"Not really, I'll let you know. You?"

Another moment of consideration.

"Don't make me look you in the eye. I know you wouldn't, I know, but still - don't?"

"I can do that. Should I not look at you?"

"As long as it's with the expression you have on right now, I think I'd quite like you to look at me, actually."

Impulse snorted. "You can't even see me right now, how do you know what face I'm pulling?"

"Oh, as if you don't recycle the same five adorable faces over and over. I know you too well, you're doing that thing where you pull your eyebrows together, aren't you?"

"I.. am, actually. You're too good at that."

Zed shuffled a moment to free a hand, and laid it on top of Impulse's, running his calluses along the back of Impulse's hand and up to his wrist, resting on top of the sensitive skin he found there. 

"You know, that's not the only expression I want to see on your face tonight." 

"Yeah?" Zed could feel Impulse's thigh tense and release under his ear. That wasn't the only type of twitching he felt stirring next to his head.

"Oh certainly. It's not like I haven't wanted to do this for a while. You, my good sir, are supremely hot. Is it really such a surprise that I want to experience you all up close and personal?"

Zed pulled Impulse's hand gently out of his hair where it had stilled, lifted his knee off the couch, and used the momentum from swinging it to twist himself unceremoniously off of the couch and onto his knees. Thank goodness they had invested in a thick carpet

Well, he reasoned, no time like the present; why draw this out when it was all too clear where this was going? He rearranged himself between Impulse's spread knees. The other man's bulge was apparent in his shorts, and his fingers twitched in anticipation of touching. He raised his right hand to hover over the button, sitting back on his haunches. 

"Can I start?"

Impulse seemed transfixed by the scene Zed had created. Thankfully, his wordless nod held the right kind of tension. Emboldened, Zed let his hand make contact. Clever fingers made quick work of the button and zip, and he allowed himself to delve further, fingertips catching on the cotton of Impulse's boxers.

Using his other hand to brace against Impulse's knee, Zedaph found the gap that would grant him access to his prize. His first contact with Impulse's length was soft, tentative, but he coached himself forward deliberately, wrapping his hand around the shaft and pulling Impulse into the open air. His love was already half hard, and Zed felt a thrill run through him as the cock twitched in his grip, He’d done that. He gripped a little tighter and gave a single, experimental stroke. The skin was surprisingly soft under his fingers, a pleasant red tone that was quickly purpling as Zed continued his explorations. Above him, Impulse let out a low noise, the sound restrained and choked off. He wanted to change that. He needed to change that.

He had no idea how to change that.

How did people give blowjobs? What was he supposed to do next? He paused, momentarily, to consider his options. 

Impulse gently touched the hand on his knee. His quiet words broke through Zed's minor distraction. 

"You don't have to do this now, or ever really. We can stop, no question or problems."

Impulse soft words of reassurance turned into a gentle and half registered monologue, bless him. Stopping wasn't what Zed was looking for at this moment in time, but the sentiments were comforting nonetheless. Not finding the words to respond to his love, he tried to push the swell of affection and lust he felt into his expression as he gazed up into Impulse's face. Eye contact was easier than he expected, and he saw nothing but the same soft emotions reflected back at him. Not breaking the connection, he fumbled his hand a little until he was wrapped firmly around the root of Impulse's length. 

The words of reassurance shuddered for a moment, but continued stronger, even as Impulse broke eye contact, closing his eyes and letting a shudder run through himself.

"Fuck, Zed, that feels so good. Your hand, wrapped around me, I don't even know how to put this into words. It's - _fuck_. Touch me more… please?" 

Well, Zed could work with that. Preening a little in the attention, Zed began working the shaft, refocusing his attention from Impulse's beautifully relaxed expression to the rapidly hardening erection next to his face.

Beads of precum began to gather at the tip of Impulse's cock. Zed wondered vaguely what it tasted like. Well, it wasn't like he couldn't find out. He leaned in close and poked his tongue out, delicately licking up a bead that had hit the junction between his hand and Impulse's length below.

_Thunk_

Impulse's head dropped back and hit the wall behind the couch. It looked like it had hurt. Impulse didn't seem to care. His groan rang loud in the hushed space and sent that thrill running up Zed's spine again. He wanted to hear more. He tongued at the underside of Impulse's head intently, stopping only when Impulse's overstimulated hiss registered.

Pulling back, he squeezed Impulse's thigh. Slowly, deliberately, he leant forward until he was poised just above the object of his attention and glanced up to meet Impulse's gaze once more. 

"May I..?"

"Fuck, yes, please Zed I - Please."

Zed wrapped his lips around Impulse and slowly, deliberately sank down.

The weight on his tongue was... nice, actually. Impulse stayed remarkably still as Zed got used to the feeling of skin sliding against his lips. The length wasn't insurmountable, but it was certainly not insignificant. He could feel the pounding of Impulse's heart ran through his mouth and in to his skull, playing a staccato counterpoint to the thud of his own

He paused a moment, halfway in, to adjust to the motion. A shudder rolled through Impulse, and he let out a little whine as Zed began to truly and properly suck. Oh that was yet another a nice noise. Another suck, another noise. This was good, very good.

His lips brushed against his curled index finger, and he relished the full feeling, heavy and solid over his tongue. It was surprisingly peaceful, in its way. He wondered what it would be like to spend the day like this; mouth full and hand softly gripping the whole of Impulse, feeling the steady pulse of their rapidly twinning heartbeats in quiet stillness…

Another time, another time. 

Heat curled low in his gut, a gentle insistence to push further, take more, draw another of those aborted whimpers out of the man sitting over him. He sucked thoughtfully for a minute and then, when his confidence swelled, he pulled back in a long draw until nothing but the head of Impulse's dick remained in his mouth.

It probably wasn't good oral, traditionally speaking. His rhythm was, admittedly, pretty clumsy. He struggled to find a consistent speed, and the less that was said about teeth, the better. All that aside, Impulse didn't seem to mind at all. He sat on the sofa, head rolling back and hands twitching, gripping tight on his own thighs as he simply let Zed find his way. Impulse's hips remained perfectly still through it all, never thrusting or even twitching into Zed's waiting mouth, something that was clearly taking great effort to manage. 

The little moans that Zedaph had relished turned into a litany, interspersed with words of praise and adoration. Zed found it hard to focus on the specifics, although he kept an ear out for any changes of tone. He lost himself in the motion, allowing a little more depth and intensity into his movement as he gained confidence.

Impulse gently pawed at Zed's shoulder, softly yet insistently tapping the distracted man.

"Zed Zedzed, you gotta - Man, I'm gonna cum in your mouth if you don't pull off now, and I don't know if - fuck - if you want"

Zed surprised himself. He did want. Establishing eye contact with his love, he redoubled his efforts and took Impulse as far as he could. It was Impulse's turn to lose himself in the motions, and he fell apart above Zed with a whispered moaning exultation.

"Zedddd~”

And that was the best sound yet.

The taste, however, was... not so great. Zedaph swallowed it down quickly, hiding a grimace, and sat back on his haunches, observing his collapsed and panting lover.

Pride and satisfaction buzzed in his brain, emphasising the pounding in his gut. No, no. He had to check on Impulse. Bracing on the couch and hoisting himself up, he plonked himself unceremoniously on the couch. Impulse raised a single hand in the universal sign of 'give me a moment' and let it flop down on his lap.

"Well, that was..." Zedaph hazarded.

"Wow" Impulse replied.

Impulse roused himself from his stupor and caught Zed's eye. Reaching over, he pulled himself up, twisting at his core to pull Zed into a soft and passionate kiss. “You’re amazing.” he whispered into the air between them. Resting their foreheads together for a moment, they basked in each other’s presence. When Impulse sat back he let his gaze wander downwards, coming to rest on the seam of Zed’s trousers. "Can I- I mean if you'd like me to I can.." He raised a hand and waved it vaguely.

Zedaph's attention was suddenly drawn back to his own body, and the throbbing hardness he had left ignored in his own pants. Oh. Oh that made a lot of sense. He wordlessly gripped Impulse's wrist and pressed it to his erection. Impulse stilled for a moment, and then gripped more firmly before pulling back to slip his hand between Zed's stomach and waistband and truly taking him in his hand.

It was Zed's turn to let his head fall back and groan. Impulse's hand was careful, gentle and yet completely unyielding in its firm slide. He hadn't realised just how close he was when occupied with the inescapable reality of Impulse filling all of his senses, but now that he had nothing to distract him it was all-consuming. He quivered like a nerve laid naked at Impulse's touch, letting his love's gentle murmurs of _good good, come on, I've got you, let yourself go_ fill his ears and his mind.

He shook himself apart in spurts and fits, collapsing into Impulse's side with a soft cry. Breathing in time with the other man, he basked in the slowly fading glow of orgasm, uncaring of the stain spreading itself along the front of his slacks. They lay there in the silence, letting the crackle of the fake fireplace fill their world. 

The scratching and yowling at the door broke the moment, and Impulse groaned.

"I forgot to feed the cat. Of course I forgot to feed the cat."

A guffaw forced itself out of Zed's throat, and his composure completely broke.

"You can't ignore him for a few minutes?" Zed managed to ask

Impulse snorted. "You know he won't stop until I go to give him his midnight snack. I'll be right back, though, and we can talk about things. Besides, you should, uh, probably change your pants." Impulse's face reddened at the reminder of his recent actions.

"You're probably right, I am starting to feel quite sticky indeed. Hurry back, hmm?"

"Will do!" Impulse tucked himself back into his own pants and got to his feet, sauntering to the door.

"Hey Impulse?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you feel about pineapples?"

Impulse paused for a moment, then let out a snort.

"I love you too."

End.

**Author's Note:**

> The cat's name is Ol' Tom, if you were curious.
> 
> If you like this universe, let me know! There is plenty more to be written.   
> Thanks for Reading! 
> 
> Thank you to [ShadowFire_RavenPheonix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowfire_RavenPheonix/pseuds/Shadowfire_RavenPheonix) for the amazing beta read!


End file.
